|Posted on March 7, 2019 at 1:55 AM||comments (0)|
Monday was definitely a Monday.
It's been awhile since I forgot my car in a tow zone, so Life decided to give me a flat. It was a result of hitting one of approximately 8 million potholes left by salt, rampant temperature variances, and snowplows. For days, my car's "low tire pressure" light nagged at me. I was certain it was just the cold causing a false indicator, until I left work and saw that it was flatter than a Keanu Reeves line reading.
Since I'm not much stronger than I was in my 20s, I called for roadside service. The dispatcher's lovely Irish accent was the best part of this experience, because as soon as the shockingly under-dressed mechanic appeared to change the tire, I discovered I had no spare. I must have gotten a flat some other time and forgotten to replace it. Better yet: thanks to staying late at work writing, it was now 15 minutes after the close of every tire store in the area.
I should have brought the kid a thermos of Tullamore, because as soon as this transaction was complete, I was hitting that shit like a punching bag. Sharing is caring.
Loosening the bolts was always the hardest part; the rest is pie. Once he did that, I sent him on his way. $74 (plus $20 tip for the inconvenience) to loosen some bolts. Two more fingers, neat, please!
One problem remains: getting a new tire home without paying for yet another assistance call. They only weigh about 20 pounds, but they're unwieldy.
Firestone is only 2 miles away.
The solution is clear. Wish me luck.
|Posted on February 12, 2019 at 3:05 PM||comments (0)|
The polar vortex is still huffing and puffing in our direction. The worst is over, despite the promises that we'd be buried under ice this morning.
Last night, rain hit the window in pellets, freezing solid in an icy braille. This morning, cars looked like sno-cones, and we swept the slush off in crinkling sheets.
I live in an unfortunate area lined with strip malls and traffic. And on a day like today, there was a lot of the latter. Drivers inched along for fear of slipping.
We tend to obsess about the weather here, fascinated by the abrupt changes. The roads were de-iced by the friction of hundreds of tires, leaving little to fret about.
Until I reached work, I didn't notice the beauty behind this perceived treacherousness. Overnight, the trees had turned to glass. The entire campus is an ice forest, solid-white honey locusts dangling right outside my window.
|Posted on January 25, 2019 at 6:25 PM||comments (0)|
I'm coming for you, old man.
When I was a kid, I hated you. Chilled by the slightest breeze, I dreaded your arrival and yearned for your departure. Now that I'm an adult and have a little more insulation than I used to, you're not so bad. 20 degrees? Bah! Builds character!
Knowing the days get a little longer after December 21 makes you easier to take. Even if you like to hang around past March 21 and influence spring. (Spring was always a weak-minded floozy, let's not kid ourselves.)
But -3F with a windchill of -21F is taking things a bit far, don't you think? Especially since our lazy populace can't be arsed to frickin' shovel a walking path after a lousy four frickin' inches of snow so there's a layer of ice literally everywhere we step. But never mind that.
The real issue isn't slip hazards. It's not the threat of frostbite. It's literacy. You know full well I'm reading three books at once. One at home, one on my lunch break, and one on the train.
Which I'm not taking now. Because everyone knows when the temperature gets stupid low (ahem) you shouldn't leave your car sitting dormant for days at a time. So thanks to you, I'm behind in my reading.
I did not enjoy pulling every muscle digging out of Snowpocalypse '11 (and again in '15). I didn't even *dream* of bothering you with a letter campaign. I mean...I did get two days off work each time.
It seems you and Mr. Groundhog might have some sort of agreement?
Not that I'm suggesting anything, you understand.
I'm merely lodging a complaint. I'd rather not go to your superiors. I'm sure we can work something out without ever getting them involved.
I hope you come to the right decision.
~Chilly in Chicago
|Posted on August 20, 2017 at 6:20 PM||comments (0)|
From Facebook post 1-14-17
I'm cheating. I may cheat for a little while, too, until something comes to me.
I'm attempting to write two reviews. But when it comes to stuff I like, it takes forever to figure out how to express myself. I'm trying for a much less stupid way of saying "this book is like...SO good, guys!" but the thesaurus only does so much work for you. In person I'm even worse; this is why I don't talk much.
Anyway, thanks to my ineptness, I always appreciate a good dialogue scene, whether in print or on screen. The first thing that comes to mind is the dinner scene from the vastly underrated Star Trek 6: The Undiscovered Country. It's quite possibly the best of the original series after Wrath of Khan (except for maybe The Search for Spock. Ranking is a tough call). I feel for the crew of the Enterprise; it must be tough to make conversation with a Klingon. I'd be all, "What's the weather like on Qo'noS? Nippy? It's no Rura Penthe, I bet...that's a joke, son...more ale?"
Enjoy! The Hamlet and Hitler jokes are killer. (7:02)
|Posted on October 7, 2015 at 7:40 PM||comments (0)|
“We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.” ~ Robert Wilensky
Maybe so, but I'm willing to give it a shot.